One Child, Two Special Needs and No Support

Sorry for the delay

2006-10-10T13:11:00.000+01:00

I have had to leave this to concentrate on tribunal plus I have really been suffering with depression and axiety.

Tribunal was held yesterday ... and instantly adjourned because the tribunal admin team had lost 2 important documents. It will now be a further 6 weeks until the hearing.

First of all I can't believe that the tribunal has lost important documents - and they admit they lost them. Second they are placing the onus on us to chase the documents and find out if replacements are needed - and if they are we have to replace them by a given deadline.

My son is VERY down today. He wanted everything over and done with. He wants to attend a school that can help him.

He's not done very well with his lessons today. His focus has been on the events of yesterday. Trying to get him back on track while keeping myself up beat has been a big struggle.

My son has been looking at overlearning on maths - so we had another look at multiplying and dividing fractions, working with percentages and multiplying and dividing decimals. Overlearning seems to make things stick in his long term memory as his short term memory does not work properly because of his APD.

French was fun. For the first hour we looked at naming other European countries in French, then moved on to some role play - ordering food in French.

English is next. For the first time ever my son loks forward to English. He has written a story of over 9 pages. This may not sound a lot to most people, but when only 6 months ago one of his stories was only 6 lines long this is amazing. He's now typing his story up so everyone can read it.

I have to return to work tomorrow which adds to my axiety because I can't monitor my son's progression or see where he may be struggling - I have to rely on my husband to provide me with that information, and to be honest it hasn't been successful in the past few weeks.

Sunday 10th September

2006-09-10T05:55:00.000+01:00

Ok, it's 5:49am and I've been up for an hour.

I woke up with a start as a thought crossed my mind - "I'm failing my son" (tears now).

When I came downstairs I decided to check my email and there was a reply from the charity - "we don't help individuals". The same reply I have had from all the charities I have applied to. That's it, that was our last hope.

I'm not going to write any more today. I'm in floods of tears.

How DARE a government body be allowed to play with peoples lives like this.

Saturday 9th September

2006-09-10T05:37:00.000+01:00

Took my son out for the day. He's worked so hard all week I though he deserved a treat.

We went to a local RSPB place with an old pair of binoculars and spent 5 hours there. He loved it and really got bitten by the bug when he spotted a heron.

This morning we received a letter from G.O.S.H for my son's appointment with the APD specialists. I need to confirm, but it looks as though it will be before tribunal.

The LEA's Home Education Team sent a letter, which my husband opened while I was out. It managed to wind him up because it appears to be threatening us with 'if you don't send your son to the school we say we will pull out of tribunal and remove his statement of special needs.' I had been warned that this might happen and that it is just threats, but needless to say, it has not helped my lack of sleep.

I'm dreading going back to work and I'm wondering how my son will cope. I know my husband is going to be here, but his patience seems to be lacking where my son is concerned. Don't get me wrong, my husband is great with kids and the kids from rugby think he's great, but when it comes to his step-son he expects far too much. He seems think that my son should be able to organise himself, keep a tidy bedroom and focus on his own work without supervision.

At the age of 11 my bedroom was a tip. Admittedly I was more organised, but I don't have dyslexia - known to affect organisational skills and you show me one 11 yr old who can work without supervision!

More stress!!

Friday 8th September - Homeschooling, day 5

2006-09-08T15:25:00.000+01:00

My son is now complaining that his school day starts at 8am and doesn't finish until 5pm. I have pointed out that he doesn't get homework, but if he wants a shorter day it can be arranged. Funnily enough he is now happy with the longer day.

Levels of support have been overwhelming. You know that saying .... if I had a penny for everytime ...... but seriously, the support is very welcome and I am very grateful.

Managed yesterday with no tears and managed last night with no sleep (again!!). May be I should go to the doctors with depression? I would but the thought of being put on medication that is going to turn me in to someone I'm not is not appealing.

Bit the bullet and contacted the charity again. The appeal made online was never received. I was given a direct email to the person I was speaking to, but I doubt anything will be sorted by Monday. I don't like applying to charities. I always feel that there is someone else in greater need than me, probably why I spend so much time volunteering. If it hadn't have been for my sea cadet leaders I would have probably ended up in trouble growing up in the rough area I grew up in. We now all volunteer, my husband and I with kids sports clubs and my son with St John's Ambulance. I suppose some would class the dyslexia website as volunteer work, but I don't see it that way. I get as much help as anyone else there, plus it tends to be more social anyway :-D

Schooling has been a struggle today. The only thing my son would focus on was ICT - excel spreadsheets. For the past 2 hours he's been sitting in front of me doing everything but the algebra test in front of him.

Bought lottery tickets for Friday and Saturday - fingers crossed (and toes and everything else).

The local high school phoned yesterday and informed me that I could go in and look at my son's records but I couldn't have a copy. Whoops - wrong answer www.opsi.gov.uk and the http://www.parentscentre.gov.uk/educationandlearning/rightsandresponsibilities/pupilrecords/ both state that I can have copies of my son's file and that schools are not allowed to say no. There are rules when it comes to mentioning other children and staff, but that's all.

Work contacted me to check I was going back in on Monday. Short of a miracle, yes I am.

Finally managed to stop today's tears. I probably would have been ok had I not have had to write our story out again. Thinking about it makes me sad and depressed, bottling it up makes me suicidal.

May be that's it - may be if I was a bad mother then the LEA or social services would have stepped it. Damn my idea of bringing up a child with manners who understood the value of an education. What was I thinking of raising a socially aware child? Of all the dumb ideas - a child who will put others before himself.

Right now said child is 'remote hunting'. When tired or depressed I have a memory like a sieve and I was the last one with the remote and now it's vanished - oops.

Thursday 7th Sept - Homeschooling, day 4

2006-09-07T07:41:00.000+01:00

Only 4 hours sleep last night. I am so stressed about returning to work next week without anything being resolved or sorted out.

We did win on the lottery last night though, £10 - a step in the right direction.

The tutoring session went well. We had covered the subject at home, but I though I'd see how he got on in 1 hr with a qualified teacher. By the end of the hour he was learning about Isotopes, which is GCSE level not Key Stage 3.

Yesterday I went to the local high school. My son's former primary school was 'bullied' in to sending his school records to the high school and, under the data protection act, I want them back as the high school have no need and no right to that information. I also needed a copy of their prospectus for the tribunal.

Obviously I asked for the prospectus first, followed by the request for my son's records. I was told that they would forward them to my son's new school. I pointed out (for ther third time) my son was home schooled, so the receptionist rang the head of year and explained that. The head of year said she would ring the LEA to discuss the matter and phone me later the same day. No phone call was received, so today I'm off to give them 4 hours to get the records together for collection later today.

Received a call from the LEA admissions team AGAIN today. Is my son going to attend the local high school? If not they can offer the place to another child. For the fourth time they were told were to stick the place (I am getting less polite each time they ask).

Now I am to expect a visit from the Home Education Team. That's fine. I have lesson plans, interactive tuition, folders of completed work and all sorts of resources.

Today's subjects are English, Art and Physics. English went as well as ever - procrastination, distraction attempts and attempts to wander around. It never works and I managed to get some good work out of him, with him doing all of his own spelling.

Art was good. I enjoyed sitting out in the garden teaching my son to draw still life. How to capture what is being seen by the eye and transfer it to paper. He produced some beautiful drawings of a flint rock and of a plant from the garden.

Physics after lunch, renewable and non-renewable energy sources, production of petrol and diesel from oil, 'green' energies and making the home more energy efficient.

My son seems much happier. When he came home from his primary school all I would hear all evening was how X had done this to him, or how Y had said that to him, or how a group of kids had told him to get lost because they didn't want to play with him, or how they threw mud/sand all over him, or pushed him over. As these children are no longer in the equation my son is much more relaxed about learning and 'having a go' at answering questions or spelling out loud. Right now he's in the front room reading a Terry Pratchet book. I no longer feel as though I'm forcing him to read. I suggested that, as he had finished the art work I had set half an hour early, may be he should go and read. To which he ran off in to the front room, picked up the book and flopped on to the sofa - result!

Wednesday 6th Sept - Homeschooling, day 3

2006-09-06T09:28:00.000+01:00

Found more helpful sites on the internet again today. Why all of them are subscribe with a credit card is beyond me, direct debit works much better.

Yesterday my son managed to out strip my lesson plans. He completed everything - including the English before the lesson time was up. I've had to work twice as hard over night to ensure I have back up for today.

Biology, maths and geography today. Biology went well - the study of cells and reproduction. We have a microscope at home so this allowed an experiment with our own cells - swabs from the inside of our mouths.

Maths next - back to algebra - expanding equations.

Geography last - The earth's structure, pressure release (volcanos), plates and continental movement (earthquakes, tsunamis) and rock formations.

I've also scheduled a tutor session on atoms and elements for an hour today from a website. Usually it is £9.99 per hour, but the first one is free.

He's behaving like a sponge - absorbing everything, even the little tests I use online aren't phasing him. Now I'm worried that when he does return to mainstream education he is going to be ahead of the other kids - and we all know how poorly the English government deal with children who are one extreme or the other in learning.

There is still no answer from the charity I phoned on Monday and I know I have to return to work next week. I think I'll try phoning them later today. I don't like pushing it, but I would much prefer my son in a structured class than at home with me or his step-father.

I've bought my £1 lottery ticket again this week - just £5,000 will do. I'm not greedy, we are happy to carry on struggling to make ends meet like everyone else in the country (and the world - yes I am VERY aware of the less fortunate around the globe), but if we could just meet the costs of one term at the specialist school to prove how good it will be for my son.

I've always said that a big multi-million win would result in a trust being opened up to help fund dyslexic and APD children, pre 16, in education. I already know what I'd call it. It would be named after my son for his courage and drive. There are plenty of charities out there raising awareness of dyslexia - BDA, DI, etc, but no-one is thinking of the right here and now. What about the kids that are being failed in schools even as you read this? What about those kids who leave school with no qualifications or get so disillusioned with school that they drop out?

Me on my soapbox again!

Day 2 - update

2006-09-05T14:20:00.000+01:00

I have just received an email from the admissions dept of the LEA saying that the local high school had phoned them this morning to say my son hadn't shown up!

After I stopped bouncing of the walls and scraped myself of the ceiling I phoned the number on the bottom of the email. I informed the young woman on the other end of the phone that both they and the school had been notified back in July that my son would not be attending, and, indeed, there was no way on this planet that I would allow my son to attend a school that could not provide for his needs and where he has been threatened by a number of children.

....I did say "slim to nil" yesterday though!

I also found an email I had sent to the local press while cleaning out my mailbox (slightly doctored to remove names, etc);

My son is 11 years old. On Monday he should have been starting high school, but he's not - he is currently yet another political football.

He has dyslexia and Auditory Processing Disorder (also known as Auditory Processing Difficulties, APD or CAPD). When we moved to ***** in 2002 he had a statement of special needs from our pervious LEA. I attempted to hand this over to ****** LEA who informed me that "it didn't count" as it had been produced by a different LEA and that my son would need another assessment.

What followed was almost 3 1/2 years of requests by myself and the school for an assessment as my son fell further and further behind. Finally, in late 2005, I tried to take the LEA to tribunal and the LEA gave in on receiving the letter from SENDiT. My son was assessed and diagnosed severely dyslexic with APD, this was a dramatic change from being 'moderately dyslexic' in his first statement.

I was told I could name the school and so I set about visiting all the local schools. None of which knew how to support children with APD. I arranged a meeting to discuss the matter with the LEA, but when I arrived I discovered that they had issued the statement and named the school themselves. The school was our local school and completely unsuitable. Not only is there no support for children with APD, but my son faced physical, emotional and mental danger in attending the school.

For the whole four years my son had been bullied at his primary school which carried on outside the school. This was;

physical - throwing bricks/rocks/stones, punching, pushing, writing on his clothes, etc, and one child had taken to picking his nose and wiping it on my son's clothes where he couldn't see or reach.

mental - playing with him one day and alienating him the next, deliberately lining him up for humiliation by using his disabilities against him, etc.

emotional - verbal abuse, spreading rumours, etc.

The school tried it's hardest to help support my son, but on his visit to the local high school he was cornered by one of his previous bullies who had gone to the high school two years earlier. He informed him that he "was looking forward" to my son going to the school because he was "going to get him, because no-one here will protect you (my son)". Further threats have been made in the street in front of me.

I tried to meet with someone from the school to discuss the threats made, but no one would meet with me. When I attended an open day for parents I brought the matter up and the member of staff replied "oh well, that's kids today. What can you do about it".

I then thought about a private school, but that my son would need a scholarship as we don't have the money. He sat a number of entrance exams (with special provision) and gained a number of places, but we chose a local school as the class sizes were very small and conducive to APD sufferers. On assessment by the SENco he recommended my son go to a specialist school to help gain coping or learning strategies as he was so far behind he would struggle at ANY school. The SENco gave me a list of specialist schools across the UK, but I did not want to send such a vulnerable young man to boarding school, so the SENco offered to speak to the head of a local specialist school.

My sonwas offered a place by the specialist school after yet another assessment, but these schools don't offer scholarships as no-one will help fund education for dyslexic children. This meant persuading the LEA. They refused. I went to my MP, but he was unable to help, the national press don't care as they don't consider it 'big news' - even though this affects 1 in 10 children and that the Tribunal is snowed under from March by parents trying to get their children adequate help.

I am left taking the LEA to tribunal which isn't until October. I only have 8 days holiday left to take - 4 of which I'm taking next week with an emergency day. On Monday my son will be at home, a specialist school will have an empty seat in the classroom (at least until the tribunal rules) and I begin running the risk of losing my job because I want my son to have access to education throughout his life rather thank just in the next few years until he's "no longer the LEA's problem".

I have tried finding funding elsewhere, but no-one cares about SEN children with hidden disabilities. People seem to have the mentality of "if I can't see it it isn't there".

My son is so frightened of being forced to attend the high school with the bullies that he has threatened to run away if the tribunal rule against us, because he said he won't go to school and if he runs away the police can't blame me (his mum) or put me in jail. This is heartbreaking as my son loves school. His school reports show a hard working young man who has great respect for his teachers, compassion for fellow students and has never been in trouble.

This fight is no longer just about my son's education - this is now a fight to keep my son and for him to keep his mental and emotional health.

Please help us. Help us bring this to the attention of everyone in the area. May be this will bring forward someone who can help us - who may be knows of funding, or of someone who can speak at tribunal, anything.

We have the support of *** (member of House of Lords) and of ***** (specialist researching APD at G.O.S.H), but to bring these people to tribunal will cost money we just don't have. We can't even afford a solicitor and, if the tribunal rule against us, we cannot afford to take this to the high court.

We are not a well off middle class family. We are just average working people who refuse to give up on our child's education.

Thank you for your time.

Letters like this have gone out to broadsheets, tabloids, local press, internet groups, but no-one cares. What chance do good kids have when they are being ingnored in favour of stupid government policies to 'tackle anti-social behaviour before birth"?

Back to square one - stressed, tearful and ready to rip the next government official's head off!

Tuesday 5th Sept - Homeschooling - day 2

2006-09-04T16:16:00.000+01:00

I do, surprisingly, feel better after yesterday's outpouring and actually got some sleep for a change.

Teaching at home is very boring. My son gets on with his work and only asks the occassional question. I wish I had some work to do.

We spent yesterday on a knife edge waiting for a knock on the door from the LEA or police. I had notified them (the LEA) that he was being home schooled, but the likelihood of them actually listening is between slim and nil.

My evening was spent preparing lessons for next week and marking - I DO NOT envy teachers! On average my son's score was around 90%. Just goes to show that the one-to-one teaching is the best policy for his disability.

I also tried contacting some of the charities we applied to - one promised to phone me back, but I'm still waiting.

Algebra has been interesting this morning. I've allowed him to work listening to his music so the air is punctured with an 11 year old singing along to Green Day, The Who and various other artists.

French and English later today. It's funny that he gets on better with French than he does with English, but apparently it's not that unusual.

My husband's employers have been a little more sympathetic to my son's plight than mine and have offered him home working for the weeks that I have to return to work. It's really good of them, but I would prefer to be with my son as my husband doesn't have a great deal of patience. He loves the phrase "when I was at school....". What he fails to appreciate is that when he was at school he didn't have dyslexia and APD.

Monday 4th Sept - Homeschooling, day 1

2006-09-04T11:24:00.000+01:00

Ok, I've submitted and started a blog.

Hopefully this will help negate a nervous break down, trouble shared is a trouble halved and all that.

I'm at home on emergency leave from work because, unlike other 11 year old children, my son has no school to start. We are waiting for our tribunal against the LEA, but until that time we have no-one to teach my son, so I am having to do it. I risk losing my job as I cannot work from home, I have no idea what we are going to do when I have to go back next week. I can't (and won't) send him to an unsuitable school, I have no family in the area and I can't afford a tutor to come in. If I don't stay at home and educate him or send him to school I face prison, if I stay at home and educate him I lose my job, my home, everything.

I've spent the morning teaching him chemistry at a level, according to our overlords (known as government), is at a 12 to 13 year old level.

He is currently working on his English and given is disabilities is making good progress writing a news article on a robbery.

You would think that after more than 4 years of wrangling his educational needs would be sorted out, but no. Thanks to the LEA ignoring both me and the school for 3 and 1/2 years my son has gone from moderately dyslexic to severely dyslexic. When the LEA finally submitted and had an educational psychologist assess him the result was severe dyslexia and possible APD (Auditory Processing Disorder).

The only way to get a real diagnoses of APD is at Great Ormond Street Hospital from the specialist team there. We've had the referal, we are just waiting for the appointment. Hopefully this will be before tribunal in 5 weeks time as it is key to our case.

People with APD are greatly affected by background noise, distractions and disturbances. In my son's special need statement it is recommended that he his taught in small classes, but in state schools this just isn't possible. Can you imagine trying to get a class of 28 or more children to work in complete silence (no scraping of chairs, no chatting, no whispering, no banging desks)?

We thought that we had reached a resolution back in April when he was offered a place at a specialist school which teaches dyslexic children. The school teaches national curriculum, but also helps the children develop learning strategies so they can return to mainstream education after 2 years there. These skills ensure that the children can carry on accessing education throught their life and become productive members of society. This was dashed when the LEA refused to fund 2 years at the school. I then spent my summer trying to find funding. As it turns out charities would have helped if my son was at risk at home (violence, abuse, etc) or if he was in care, but because he is a much loved and well cared for child no-one is willing to help.

I tried the press, both national and local, but no-one cares about children with hidden disabilities. The mentality is that of "if we can't see it, it doesn't exist". Even when I posted in the BBC's Have Your Say forum they still didn't want to know.

Personally I think I'm beinging to lose it. I'm tired and constantly on the verge of tears. Friends keep telling me how strong I must be to keep fighting, but I'm not strong, I'm scared. I'm scared of what will happen to my son without an education, without the strategies to cope with everyday life when I'm no longer here. I can't be filling out forms, etc for him when he's 60. He needs to become independent from me, but I can't see that happening if I keep having to help him at every turn. There is a report recorded in the House of Lords of a 50 yr old dyslexic called Dave. He had failed at school, but was skilled with his hands. With the help of his parents (filling in forms, dealing with banks, ect) he set up his own business and was successful. Sadly his mother died and his father was hospitalised. Social services saw a 'normal' 50 yr old male and refused him support. David fell in to trouble with taxes, the banks, ect because of his disability and eventually took his own life.

More tears now. Even writing about our problems and my fears.

It's taken me so long to write this drivel that my son has now finished his English and is ready for lunch. The upside is at least I know he's eating healthily.

History after lunch followed by ICT. My son is happy for the moment, but is already missing the interaction of other children - which is funny given that for the last 4 years in primary school he hated it because of the bullying.

Even the 'easy option' isn't because it would leave my son without someone fighting his corner.